Understanding Grief: Beyond Simple Definitions

Having recently completed specialized training in grief counselling, I've been reflecting on how the word "grief" itself may not fully honour the complexity of each person's unique experience.

Grief is More Than Loss of Life

When we think of grief, we often picture the loss of a person such as a family member, friend, or beloved pet. But grief encompasses so much more. It can be the loss of an ex-partner, a job, a cherished dream, or the expectations we held for our future. Each of these losses deserves recognition and space to be processed.

Every Path is Different

What strikes me most is how uniquely each person processes grief. There's no universal roadmap, no standard timeline, and no "right" way to grieve. For some clients, the relationship with the person they've lost complicates their feelings. Perhaps it was an ex-partner, or the loss is connected to a criminal offense. In some cases, our legal and social systems can perpetuate feelings of injustice or shame, adding layers of complexity to an already difficult journey.

Moving Beyond the "Process" Mindset

The idea that grief follows a predictable process can be limiting. It suggests there's an endpoint, a finish line where we're "done" grieving. This framework can leave people feeling broken or inadequate when their experience doesn't match these expectations.

Grief as a Room in Our House

Instead, I'm drawn to the metaphor of grief as a room in our house. We can honour our loss, remember what we've lost, and spend time in that space when we need to. But slowly, we also move to other rooms and start connecting with other people, exploring new ideas, engaging with life. The beautiful thing about this metaphor is that we never shut the door to that grief room. It remains accessible, a part of our home, but it doesn't have to be the only room we inhabit.

This approach allows us to carry our losses with us while still living, honouring both our grief and our capacity for continued growth and connection.

Disclaimer:
This blog is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care . If you are experiencing distress or a mental health crisis, please contact local emergency services.